I haven’t forgotten you. I just haven’t been writing because I’ve been so busy and important.
Not in a… ‘I haven’t had time to see you because I’ve been so busy washing my hair’, kind of way… I just haven’t been able to write because I got fired and started my own business which is enough for me to be distracted from writing to y’all.
Here’s how it went down…
A week before Christmas I walked into work and promptly got fired.
Fired is probably a bit dramatic, so to use the proper terminology my role was made ‘redundant’.
I’ll take you on the journey.
I rocked into work with a skip in my step – not only had I just driven in the car listening to music other than Peter Coombs, I had just bought a coffee on my own. So far, it was the best day ever.
Except my computer wasn’t at my desk anymore. Neither were any familiar faces from my team.
I went looking for my computer and was told it had been moved, and my team had been made redundant.
Naturally I called the CEO who avoided questions about my personal job security and instead asked me out to lunch. Phew. I’m safe – I thought. He couldn’t possible fire me over pork belly.
But I knew something was up when he took me to a salad bar for lunch. Salad. Everyone knows if you boss takes you out for a salad you’re a gonner.
The strangest thing was he didn’t order a salad. He ordered a milkshake. It was so weird. So awkward. A strawberry milkshake. His words started wafting over me ‘we can’t afford to pay you anymore’, ‘company restructure’, ‘part-time employees are not a good cultural fit’ and all I could think is ‘HE’S FIRING ME OVER A CLUCKING MILKSHAKE! IF THIS IS MY LAST MEAL THAN I DON’T WANT IT TO BE SALAD. WHERE IS MY PORK BELLY?’
And with that, I was made redundant.
Except it wasn’t as depressing as that word sounds because it made me take stock and think about what I really wanted to do.
And I thought and thought and thought about it and decided that if I started my own business I could keep the nanny and walk the dog and do yoga under the guise of being busy and important. I could hand out business cards willy nilly but instead have a yoga-esque body like Miranda Kerr. Perfect!
Except that my husband was onto me. Such a kill-joy. He made me set up an actual business, like with ASIC and the ATO, so now I have an accountant and I almost have a website and I have been working like a dog, rather than walking the dog, on three clients who are all incredibly interesting. And I am so busy and important I don’t even have time for yoga. Or to clean the house.
So that’s where I’ve been. And seeing I am now back in the business of marketing and PR and content creation hopefully I’ll keep you updated a little more frequently.
Oh, and if you have any work…