Green smoothie = fail

If you haven’t yet taken part in the green smoothie revolution that seems to have taken control of hipsters and fitsters alike, then read this post and thank me later.

After seeing various shades of green liquid in the hands of the young and cool, I thought I might take my tastebuds on a test-drive of this healthy green froth.

After a bit of research I discovered you create the said smoothie by blending a green vegetable – kale and spinach are popular – with fruit and extra good bits of goodness like goji berries and chia seeds and some weird thing called Maca powder that comes from the inner most part of South American volcanos and was used by ancient Inca tribes a remedy for all ailments, and bam –  you have a green smoothie concoction. No biggie.

And you drink it out of a JAR, like the cool kids, not a regular glass. Derr.

My neighbour made one for me based on a recipe from Pete Evans – it tasted delicious and I bit the bullet and decided to make one on my own.

Unequivocal disaster.

My first mistake was to use Kale – a vegetable I loathe. As chips, fried or in a smoothie, this vegetable tastes like arse. Just like its superfood sister quinoa. Just because it’s good for you doesn’t mean you should eat it.

Would you ever honestly sit down, salivating, and think – wow – look at that plate of fresh, raw, Kale. I can’t wait to eat that. Look! There’s an organic slug on that leaf that will be extra protein. Wait! How about a better idea, let’s juice the crap out of you sweet fresh kale and drink you! YUM! How exciting!

No. You haven’t. Because no-one would ever sit down and think that. Ever. And if you have you should probably go and get your mental health checked pronto.

I’m an advocate for healthy eating, but a green smoothie – forget it.

Give me a pie instead of a jar of freshly juiced vegetables any day.



  • Sarah Fuller

    hahaha love it Sal, I’m drinking a green smoothie (kale!) right now :-) not in a jar though…

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