I’m exhausted today – not because our daughter has 800 teeth coming up and down all at once, but because I was up all night glued to my phone, watching videos of Rebecca clucking Judd teaching me how to curl hair in less than 10 minutes.
Can the woman be any more perfect?
I’m a transient follower of models and entertainers on Instagram… I follow them diligently until they post something annoying and then gleefully BLOCK them from my life forever.
It’s clucking theraputic.
Miranda Kerr? GONE! After she posted one too many Namastes.
Kim Kardashian? GONE after one too many oversharing scenarios.
Myley Cyrus? As much as I enjoy watching a trainwreck – it just got too much. GONE!
But I can’t for the life of me, block Rebecca clucking Judd and her perfect hair and her perfect husband and her seemingly perfect life.
We’ve come too far in our relationship.
I’d never even heard of her before Instagram, and now… I know too much. We’re friends in the way she gives me a lot and I take it all…
I know what art she has in her house, where she bought her side-table from, I was there, beside her, when she custom-designed her new Range Rover. And her husband – ‘Juddy’ – is not too bad at running either. Have you seen the video? Do you know he wears Jaggard sportswear? And Bec? I feel like I can call her that now we’re mates, she’s three-quarters pregnant and still sashaying down the runway of Instagram looking like she’s had a few extra wontons for dinner. A few nasty people have commented that she’s too thin, but they get shut down by her loyal followers, like me, and promptly put in their place.
I want to block her – I really do. But I can’t quite yet. I just need to wait to see what flavour her baby is and see what brands pay to be featured in the nursery and what she uses to puree food and the inevitable shot of her post-baby figure, perfect in less than three minutes after giving birth. You see? I’m too involved.
Her life is pure fantasy when compared to mine – but I’m not willing to let her go just yet… besides, she just seems so… nice.